As homeschool moms, we spend so much time with our kids. That’s the goal, right? But it can also leave us feeling stretched very thin. We have so much responsibility on us to get it all done. We provide our children’s education, make sure they see friends, take them to their classes, co-ops, and sports. We grocery shop, meal plan, attend church, clean, all the while trying to take care of ourselves and other relationships. Motherhood is all consuming, and especially homeschool motherhood. We can all fall prey to burnout.
I’ve been there a few times. I want to share with you some tools I’ve learned along the way that have helped me, in hopes that it will help you too!
Don’t keep it inside
We all struggle. We’re human. We all have doubts about concerns about whether we’re raising our kids right. I’m convinced homeschooling is the best way to go when it’s in a healthy home with a healthy and happy mom. That doesn’t mean we have to be happy all the time. We are allowed to have all the feelings God gave us. The key is to not hold it in our minds and bodies. Find a trusted person, friend, spouse, family member or counselor to talk these things out with. Sometimes we have hard days or weeks, but when we find ourselves in a pit we cannot escape, it is so important to take action. Don’t let it linger and build up before you talk with someone. If your kids are waking up to a depressed, irritated or mean mom, I can’t express the importance to step outside of your day-to-day and seek help.
This may be seen as taboo in some Homeschool circles, but we need to give ourselves permission and grace if we need to take a break and/or seek outside help from professionals. Your kids soak up all the tension around them. And they are with mom the most. You may need to look into supplements or medication to get your body and hormones back in balance. If you need to take a break from the pressure of a curriculum for a while, that’s ok too. Your health and family’s happiness overrides education.
Family meetings
If your kids are very young, try starting family meetings with your spouse once a week. It’s a time where you sit down together with no distractions and discuss your budget and your weekly plans and expectations. You can also take this time to dive deep into some hard things that may be happening in your home. Take time to process together and come up with strategies to make it better. If your kids are passed toddler stage, you can invite them into this. It’s so healthy to give kids a voice in their own lives and homes. It’s also good for them to see their parents working together in a positive way to come up with solutions to problems. We recently implemented family meetings into our home and it has been life-changing. The key for us was “no distractions.” We don’t even try to do it over dinner or snack. We sit in the living room together in a circle and just take turns talking. I always thought I was good at giving my kids attention and looking them in the eyes, but this kind of attention takes it to another level. They feel seen and heard and so do I!
Exercise every day
I know this one can be polarizing. Some of us have grown up learning that either you’re a person who loves working out or hates working out. I don’t subscribe to this anymore. God created our bodies for movement. Depression, anxiety, and many other negative mental health issues are directly related to movement. All the science shows, short and consistent workouts promote positive mental health and longevity. I recommend doing something every single day. And you never have to do something you hate. Find some kind of movement you love (or somewhat enjoy.) You will always love the increased energy it gives you.
And if your kids see you exercising, even better. As homeschool moms we are always teaching our kids coping skills, but my favorite quote is “more is caught than taught.” If they see you taking care of your body every day, they will believe you when you tell them how important it is for them to get outside, ride their bike, eat good food, or just run and play. And you will have the energy to chase them!
Prioritize sleep
Depending on how many kids you have and their ages, this can be a tricky one. We all have seasons as moms where we are getting less sleep than needed, and that is just part of it. However, we can always prioritize sleep over our list of never-ending tasks. Sleep helps humans in every way. God made us to need rest and specifically, sleep. Science says sleep is the most important part of our mental health. I also believe in talking to our older kids about our need for sleep. They need it too. This could be a good topic to bring up at a family meeting. It’s so important for our homes to function joyfully. Even when we aren’t sleeping enough because of little ones, we can choose a 20 minute nap when possible, or go to bed right away at night instead of scrolling our phones, or even cleaning our houses. The mess will be there to clean when we wake up. I am personally working on letting go of the cleaning tasks. The messy house thing truly never ends, and if mom has not slept, it will be much harder to clean with a good attitude!
Play
I know this can be the hardest one for us sometimes. When my kids ask me to sit and play a game or even harder, for me, play imaginary games or hide and seek, my first reaction is to cringe a little. There are moments where I feel particularly playful and it’s not hard to say yes. But I often feel like it’s just another pull in a direction I was not prepared to go. I want to finish the dishes, or the laundry, or prep dinner because these seem very important. However, I think we all know the most important thing is to always step into our child’s world. It is how they feel connected to us. I’ve noticed when I go all in with their play, they are much more likely to follow my instructions later. Even better than that, being totally present and playing with my kids, no matter how hard it is to start, always ends in connection and belly laughs. And this is ultimately what I want most for my family and our memories.
Get inspired or simplify
I think we can burnout in different ways. Some moms may be feeling burnout from constantly loading kids in and out of the car, packing snacks and enough water, cleaning the car out after the outing, and just constantly getting ready to go somewhere or coming home after being somewhere (or several places.) if you’re feeling burnout from this, I would recommend simplifying. Find a few obligations you can let go of for a season. Our kids don’t have to be signed up for every sport and class and co-op available. Simplify your life and make room for more peace. Work toward getting your meals and groceries planned out a month ahead. Plan grocery pick up or even have them delivered to avoid the rush to the store several times a week. I am preaching to myself here, as this has been one of the hardest things for me, but when I simplify it, my home runs much smoother and feels less chaotic.
Some moms feel burnout because they don’t feel enough purpose or start to feel bored as a homeschool mom. I’ve been there too. During these times, I think getting inspired is key. When I feel bored and tired of the mundane house chores and reading lessons, I get inspired by talking with and getting ideas from my homeschool mom friends, listening to podcasts, and reading through a few great Instagram accounts I follow. It always helps me remember why I’m doing this. I get inspired and then take action by finally checking out those great books that have been on my list, or getting those ingredients for a fun recipe to make together.
About a year ago, I ordered one of those butterfly growing kits off Amazon just to change it up and do something that might surprise my kids. It was one of our favorite things, and my kids still talk about it all the time. It brought so much wonder and questions, and is such a sweet memory. It truly reinvigorated my love for watching my kids learn and be in awe.
Have a mom getaway at least once a year
I saved the best for last. I completely realize that this one feels like it is only for the privileged. And to be honest, my oldest is 8, and this is the first year I am being intentional about this. We have had seasons of money being tight and family support being tight, but there is a part of me that wishes I would have strongly prioritized myself earlier in this way and made it non-negotiable. Just knowing it’s there, I can look forward to it knowing I am not putting myself last and neither is my family. No one deserves this and needs this more than moms. I know how much better of a mom I am and how ready I am to be with, serve, and play with my children when I return. It doesn’t have to be expensive. Or it can be as luxurious as your family can afford. If it feels impossible, I would start with staying close to home. Maybe ask a friend when they go out of town for a weekend, if you can house sit for them. One night away is great, but if you can, I think two nights is ideal. It’s just enough time to not miss everyone too much, but enough time to actually feel like you’ve gotten away. And it gives you two opportunities to get a great night of sleep. Whatever it is, it’s important to prioritize it and get it on the calendar as soon as possible!
If you’re feeling burnout, you’re not alone. I hope you find the courage to have the hard conversations, ask for help, prioritize yourself and your own needs, and sometimes just choose to forget the house cleaning and have a little fun! If you aren’t in a hard season, or have never felt burnout yourself, I hope this encourages you to look out for your mom friends who might be feeling this. You can keep this list of tools to share with them if they need help. Remember— Happy mom, happy everyone!
Take care of yourself!
— Casey Troyer
